It’s hard to get back into the groove of this. I would love to lie and say 2018 was a wonderful breeze. As my mom would say, let’s not “tell stories”. For anyone that doesn’t know what that means, “telling stories” is the gentle way southern mom’s tell you she knows you’re lying. If she has to pull out the actual “lying” word, your butt is about to discover how many shades of red it can pull off.
I left off in October with a weird ride on Tricia that had me very unsettled. The stark truth to that is that I was completely unsettled then. And while some of the issues of that time remain unsettled, I am gaining grip on exactly how much I want them affecting my life. The following week we had a lesson, and went into it worried about Tricia and the previous ride. So here I am, sitting astride my sweet, innocent little mare, tattling to Trainer about all her nasty little nonsense the last ride and my concerns. Trainer has me start to work her, and low and behold….floaty, sweet, lovely little mare is back! Obviously all the nonsense from the previous ride was about how Tricia really wanted me to deal with my own shit. It makes sense that she’s about had it with absentee partner, and she’s ready for me to step up. I really feel sorry for her.
Because the last half of October was spent doing infertility treatments-which SUCK. SUCKITY SUCK SUCK! And failed, both times, thankyouverymuch! We went into November expecting to go through another round, but the insurance got slow and didn’t approve us until mid December. Which didn’t matter, because somehow, some way ( I have an idea, but getting my endocrinologist to theorize with me has been impossible, grrr)…we got pregnant in late November. I am currently eight weeks and some days. We are super excited, but also really scared. After going through the losses earlier this year, anything that isn’t textbook (which, yeah…no pregnancy is ever the same or “textbook”-I know) scares me.
But with that being said, lots of posts over the next few months will most likely be more lifestyle and health/wellness related than actual riding. Sorry, dearhearts. Right now Tricia is a cookie machine, and she’s quite happy that way. I am considering different avenues for her. I worry with that too, because I have an amazing friend in NC I was going to send her to when I was pregnant before. When we lost the baby I choose to keep my pony close. I kinda needed her. But I still feel guilty/sorry for the expectation I created with my friend. I don’t want to do something like that again, until we know we are most definitely on a good track. And yes, trust I really do know, that nothing is ever promised and everything can fall apart in a moment. I’ve been there already.
Our best goal here is live with joy in 2019. That includes all the things that come with joy, such as gratitude, mirth, and breathing deeply. I hope that 2019 brings all those things for you as well.